Here goes nothing..

I've always loved writing, but never been big on sharing my pieces. Before I left a lot of people asked if I would use my blog differently while I was in Turkey and write on it, I lied and said "Yes, of course" with no real intention of ever writing anything. Now that I'm here my thoughts have changed, it's a little difficult to have no friends here and with nobody to talk to I have found myself writing in my Moleskine daily, (note to mom-please send Sharpie pens) not only writing daily but really enjoying it. Since I've been enjoying writing so much I decided that

1. I do really enjoy writing and I like the way I write

2. You can't really be bad at writing, can you?

3. I really don't care if anyone thinks I'm bad at writing, which led to the more important conclusion...

I decided that I just don't care, I've always been a little hesitant to "be myself" I always worry if people will like me, if they think I'm weird, all that jazz...and I'm done, being here has made the fact that there are 6.7 billion people in this world real to me. There are 6.7 billion people, each one different from the next and I know that who ever I am, or whoever I become during my experience this year I do fit in somewhere. It's too easy to get caught up in what's happening right in front of you just where you live, especially being a girl, "Will I look fat if I wear this? Is this shirt good? He'll never notice me in this outfit, she'll look so much better tonight, crap." Once you get out there and look up, you will realize that so much more is happening, more important things that actually matter. Nobody cared what their hair looked like or what they were wearing when the Declaration of Independence was being written, but without it there would be no land of the free, no home of the brave.

These 3 thoughts were followed by my final decision to share my writing & thoughts on here, so here goes..

It is amazing to me how little "culture shock" I experienced when coming to Turkey, there was the home sickness which I wasn't really ready for but knew would happen because I love my family more than anything, and I've never been away from them for longer than 4 days. I was thrown into a culture entirely different from mine, the sights, the smells, everything was completely new and different, but I wasn't experiencing this "shock" at all. I guess maybe I had the whole culture shock thing all wrong, I expected that maybe it would be a physical feeling, or mentally I would just be overwhelmed, but it wasn't like that at all. I think in part it has to do with my host family, my parents both speak English very well and are very modern and European, if things we're different I think I might have experienced more culture shock, but I guess I'll never know. They are able to explain things to me which helps a lot, customs and traditions, this was very helpful when Ramazan came rearing it's ugly head around.

Ramazan has made me realize how much I truly love food, I always eat carefully because let's face it, who wants to be fat? Though just the thought of not eating or drinking anything until 7PM makes me cringe, the fact that Turkish food is absolutely delicious doesn't help either. Just hearing the word "Baklava" makes me drool, and fresh bread is a staple here, with EVERY meal, anyone who's eaten with me knows I can scarf my body weight in bread in 5 minutes flat. I don't fast during the day because my host family is not Muslim, but out of respect I can't eat or drink in the streets and most Cafe's and restaurants are closed until it's time to eat. Also, I never would have thought about it but everytime I'm in the car the driver says "It's Ramazan." Turkish people love to eat, which I am thoroughly enjoying, but not eating all day is difficult for them and makes people angry and agitated which leads to some dangerous driving, which is sometimes scary when driving in Turkey is already less than ideal. A man who works for my host parents drove me to the shopping center where my host mom works the other day and he told me "Driving is different, everyone has his own rules." I could not put it better myself, there are laws, but it seems that they throw caution to the wind and make their own.

I have been in Turkey for a month now and I can't say that I feel like I've got things figured out and I fit right in, that would be a lie. I stick out like a sore thumb and it's apparent I'm not from around these parts, and no matter what I do this will be the case because I don't live near the "city", there are no tourists in Sakarya, I'm starting to think 99% of the population here has never laid eyes on an American. I didn't do myself any favors by going into the city center wearing shorts last week, to me they weren't booty shorts or anything just some denim shorts, but to the citizens of Sakarya I might as well have been walking around naked. I was confused about all the stares I was getting, but later my host mom explained this to me. Reminded me a little of The Wedding Singer, "Once again, things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY"

In Istanbul things aren't so difficult, an American is still a little strange, but I can pass for European and Istanbul is much more relaxed, I can wear whatever I want. In the Gran Bazaar there was a young man who yelled to me "I'm single!! Where are you from?! Let me guess, Holland?" I shook my head no and he continued to guess, "Switzerland, Russia?" I shook my head no to each guess, "OK, one more, Germany?" I walked away with my host Mother and looked back "Nope, I'm from America." He and his partner both sounding disappointed "Ahhh, America." It's funny to me because I always considered myself a very American looking girl but it's just perception I suppose.

I'm a little tired of staring at my computer screen for today, but I hope you enjoyed.